Often all we see is the pain and the scars we carry, seen and unseen. Viewing those scars, we can often hear negative thoughts and struggle with feeling so alone. Questioning our worth and our value, we wonder if we could ever be loved or if we can ever love ourselves?
Yet with God, fear and pain are never the end of the story. Perfect love always has the final word. The moment we encounter the deep love of the one who created us, those fears and doubts we’ve fixated on suddenly fade away. Our eyes are opened to how He sees us and the truth of who we really are — altogether beautiful. And so often, it’s the people around us, that God has so divinely placed in our lives, that are the conduits to discovering this freedom, healing, and hope that only He can give.
For Kelsey Johnson, 4x Beautifully Flawed Retreat attendee, this is exactly her story, a journey of discovering the beauty in flaws and experiencing something so painful turn into a story of hope and a purpose to encourage others in their journeys.
When Kelsey was only eight years old, she was diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune and connective tissue disease called Scleroderma that led to contractures and deformities in her joints. This disease caused Kelsey great pain — both physically in her hand and foot as well as deep in her heart — as she wrestled with her self image and insecurities. At 18 years old, Kelsey ended up having surgery to reconstruct the contractures, in hopes of alleviating the pain she’d been living with. Yet in the end, having surgery only led to more damage and increased pain, her body unable to fully heal because of her autoimmune disease. Over the next 18 months, Kelsey underwent five more surgeries in attempts to fix the damage the first surgery caused, to no avail. With no other option available and with the bones in her foot dying from necrosis, Kelsey entered surgery again in 2016 but this time, to amputate her right leg below the knee.
The following year was a difficult one. Already dealing with the insecurities caused from the autoimmune and connective tissue disease, having her leg amputated added another physical challenge for Kelsey:
“I’ve always tried to hide my scars and bone deformities. Losing part of my body added to that fear of others’ perception and made me so much more aware of people staring or asking questions, something I’m sure every amputee can relate too. I grieved the loss of my leg for a long time. I had no compassion for myself and would only wear long pants and sweatshirts even in the 80-90 degree summers to hide my leg and scleroderma scars. Attempting to ward off anyone that would notice I was ‘missing something.’ I would stay home instead of hanging out with friends because I felt like a burden. It’s hard to explain but disliking and grieving for the body you’re in is the most complicated, gut wrenching feeling I’ve experienced. Grieving for what once was (my leg and my version of mobility) and disliking what was replacing it (a heavy clunky prosthetic). Those moments were really hard.”
Craving hope and a community who could truly empathize with the struggles of limb loss, Kelsey stumbled upon a blog written by one of our previous retreat attendees, introducing her to our Beautifully Flawed Retreats. Kelsey applied the following year and attended her first of many retreats in 2017.
Although she was apprehensive of attending, God had breakthrough, freedom, and healing in store for her:
“My first year at the retreat I was extremely nervous about every aspect, especially my physical capabilities just months after amputation and beginning to walk.
I knew surfing was a huge part of the experience, but siked myself out and decided I wouldn’t participate out of fear of getting injured. On Surf Day, I watched the other girls go out and learn different techniques and approaches with their limb differences. But when it was my turn, I kindly declined and stayed on the beach. One of the retreat leaders came over and I explained my fear-based decision and she told me she felt the same way her first year and talked me through what to expect and encouraged me to at least meet one of the instructors. Next thing I knew I was in a wetsuit, duct taping my leg to seal out water, and paddling out with the group that would guide me. My heart was racing but I felt so at peace out in the water for the first time in years. And with every wave, I felt the fear washing away.
It was the most beautifully, empowering moment where all of the doubt and panic was replaced with excitement and a confidence I’d never experienced before. Let alone after everything that had happened. After riding several waves, I returned to the shore with tears of joy streaming down my face. I was the last girl to go out and for the first time, noticed everyone on the beach was cheering me on. That moment of encouragement from the leaders and instructors, in addition to the bravery and peace I experienced, will forever stick with me.”
In that moment, Kelsey experienced both the power of community and of overcoming. There’s a shift that happens when you tangibly feel seen, understood, and loved. When people are willing to stop, meet you where you’re at, and encourage you, that’s when healing begins. It’s when hope starts to stir, when courage comes alive. The courage to step out and attempt to conquer that fear, knowing you’re not doing it alone. God is right beside you and a loving community is championing you onward: ready to catch you, pick you back up if you fall, and celebrate that glorious victory with you. And that’s exactly what Kelsey experienced.
Kelsey went on to attend three more retreats, two in California and our returning attendee retreat in May 2023 in Kauai:
“I always love[d] the intimate vulnerable moments we [had] during small groups or 1:1 conversations at the retreats. These retreats became the only times I felt whole, connected, at peace with my journey so far, and surrounded by girls that truly “get it”—all of it. The self doubt, the insecurities, the adaptations, but also the joy, beauty, and triumph of each of our stories. There’s just so much power and joy in the vulnerability we experience at every retreat, with and without words. Helping each other with exercise adaptations, teaching another attendee how to curl their hair for the first time, or adjust the screws on our prosthetics. There are so many special conversations I’ve had over the years that still stick with me to this day.”
Inspired with the hope that overcoming was possible, Kelsey conquered so many of the insecurities that had plagued her for so long. She rediscovered her infinite worth and value, confident in the fruitful and purpose-filled future God had for her. Kelsey was fiercely determined to return to college at Georgia Tech to finish what she’d begun prior to her amputation and obtain her degree. Working diligently with her rehabilitation team, Kelsey did just that:
“That summer completely transformed my confidence in myself, my resiliency, and ability to keep pushing forward. I returned to school that fall and graduated with honors and a degree in computer science and interactive design a couple years later. After graduating from Georgia Tech, I co-wrote and starred in the short film ‘Roommates’ that was featured at SXSW and available/streaming on Delta flights the following year. I’ve also been cast/featured in other projects on Disney Plus and most recently an experimental short that premiered at Slamdance’s Film Festival. I’ve been working as a front end software engineer for the past several years and absolutely love to balance my technical and creative skills. Outside of that I’m also a DJ! I absolutely love music and producing new sets in my free time. I currently live in Atlanta with my cavapoo Cooper and I’m genuinely just loving my life, the happiest I’ve ever been.”
To see all that God has done in Kelsey’s life since meeting her back in 2017 is absolutely inspiring to witness! She has faced adversity with a grace, determination, and resilience that is rare. Confident in who she is and who God has created her to be, Kelsey carries a passion and drive that has led her to achieve amazing accomplishments despite all the challenges she faced. We love to see how she uses her voice and her story to be a beacon of hope and courage to so many others. We’re excited to cheer her on as her story continues and to see all that God has in store for her!
Check out other inspiring stories
Make Incredible Things Happen
Help further our mission and programs that support young people living with limb difference or those who’ve experienced traumatic limb loss by making a tax-deductible donation.
